Book 4 Chapter 22.
Sophie POV.
I have a decision to make. Do I go and see my brother and hope he gives me the answers I need, or do I let him go and never see him again?
Why is this so damn hard? I always wanted my brother back, but is it too late for me to listen to his side of things? Does that make me a bad person if I just let him go?
I don't know. I'm torn between needing to now and then, not wanting to know. For years, he and our father have been my tormentors. A part of me is saying Jared doesn't deserve my time, but the other side is curious. Am I setting myself up for a major fall?
Am I playing into his hands if I go to him and he tries to hurt me with his words? Or will he beg for forgiveness, a forgiveness I don't think I could give him?
I stare off into space and I don't know what to do. I spoke to Harry when I got home after my shift and told him what his uncle Nico told me and Harry told me it is my choice if I want to go and see Jared and that either way he would support my decision so why is this so damn difficult to do?
I sigh and I place my head against the countertop in the clubhouse kitchen. Ok I'm going, no I'm not, yes I am. Christ, just give me a damn sign. What am I supposed to do?
Jared hurt me and here I am being a sap because he wants to talk to me. Some twisted part of me wants to see him and some part wants him to feel the way I did. Being ignored and beaten.
But there is a difference. I'm not like him. Mom always said it is better to forgive and move forward than to live with the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. If she was still alive, I know what she would do.
She would sit us both down calmly and get us to talk it out. And only then, when the issue was dealt with, would we go back like nothing happened? But she isn't here. The glue that held us altogether left us and we fell apart.noveldrama
I push off the counter and pace. I don't have long to decide before Nico comes and takes Jared with him.
Ahhh, fuck it. I turn and walk out of the clubhouse kitchen and walk out of the back door and walk towards the building that holds the prison.
I will hear him out, but he will hear me out, too. If we can't resolve this, then I won't see him again and he can live the rest of his life in Mexico with Nico and whoever else is down there.
I walk up to the door and see one of the members standing there. He smiles at me and opens the door and I walk inside. My heart is pounding against my ribcage. The closer I get, my anxiety levels increase and my palms start to sweat.
I walk to where he is, and I can see him. He is sitting on the bed wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His hair is longer, and he looks like he is slowly putting the weight back on.
In his hand is a book. I stop by the glass cell and he didn't see me at first. I just watch him silently and I can see flickers of the boy Jared used to be and my heart clenches at this. He isn't the monster he was. I can see it. The tears blur my vision as I watch him silently.
"Jared, you wanted to speak to me?" I say quietly and I see him gulp as he lifts his head and those blue eyes meet mine, and he takes in a shuddering breath as he closes his book and stands up before he limps ever so slightly to the glass.
"Sophie, you came," He says and the tears fall and I nod my head swallowing the lump in my throat.
"Yes, I know you are leaving today and I warred with myself about coming to see you. I need you to be honest with me Jared, I want to know why. Why you did all those things to me? I was a little girl, Jared. I needed you and daddy and you both blamed me! I was five years old, Jared. So please tell me. What did I do to deserve that much hate from you both?" my knees give up and I land on the floor and Jared squats in front of me.
"Sophie, I'm so sorry. God, I'm such a
horrible person and I know what we did to you was wrong. More so for
me. I always told you I would be there for you and I wasn't. This is no excuse for what I did. Dad would beat me too if I didn't do what he told me. He blamed you for her death. I told him it wasn't your fault he beat me black and blue. The day I threw you down the stairs. He told me if I didn't he would be shoot you, then shoot me. He had a gun to my head Soph. I took so much of the beatings aimed at you. God, I fucking tried to protect you, but the more he laid into you and filled my head with shit, the more I believed him. I'm so sorry, I failed you. I failed our mom." I look at him as he breaks down.
He falls on his ass with his head down and he sobs, fat tears dripping off his chin. Can I believe a word he says?
"We could have run away, Jared. We could have told the cops and we could have left him. Why didn't we leave? Why didn't you tell anyone?" I scream at him and he looks at me and shakes his head.
"Same reason you didn't." I blink at his words. Then I realise he was scared too.
"The day I completely turned against you was because he told me he was
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going to give me to one of his friends. That if I didn't do what he said, then he would kill you, but let his friend have me. He said if his friend got hold of me, it would have been your fault. So I had to choose. I chose, and I chose wrong. I still tried to keep you safe, but it was becoming harder. He started to drug me so I would do what he wanted. He got me hooked on crack and the only way I could my fix was to beat the living shit out of you. I'm sorry Soph. You are better off here than me being in your life." He says with a sob, and I sob as well.
Our father was a monster. I'm glad he's dead.
"If mom was alive ..." I say and Jared stops me.
"Dad was a lost cause before mom died. I kept it from you and so did mom. Dad was a monster for a long time Soph. He was beating her. She stayed to keep us safe. When she died, he was more angry than anything because his main toy was gone." What the fuck?
I don't know what to think. What should I do?
"You are going with Nico Moretti. I'm
sorry Jared, I don't know what to think about of this. I need time to think about everything you have told me. You will have a better life with Nico in Mexico. Jared, you are still my big brother and even though you hurt me because of dad I don't know if fean ever forgive you for that. I do love you. That will never change. One day I will come and see you, but right now I need to think and I need you to be strong. I love you, brother. We didn't deserve this." I say as I stand and look at him.
Nico enters the room, and he looks from me to Jared and nods his head once.
"It's time Sophie." He says, and I look at Jared one last time and walk away.
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