Second Assault — Bond And Treason —

Chapter 5 – Desolation

Friday, April 5th. Yaakov's room, 3:25 a.m.

ALEXEI

—Xander!

I wake up with a jump, drenched in sweat, struggling to fill my lungs with air and screaming his name

once again. Three days now... Three bloody, torturous days without him and still not have the answers I

need to go after my partner.

I'm losing my mind, I'm on the cusp of despair and on the verge of just going out, organizing a team of

men and starting a fucking war against anyone if that means I can get him back in my arms. And the

dreams... The helplessness of having him so far away yet so close. To hear his soft, sweet voice, to

feel his fear, and his doubts pass through me and not be able to do a fucking thing to help him.

Although, I am sure they are not just dreams, it is something else, something that connects us so

intimately and deeply, just the two of us. It immerses us in the emotions and the strong and special

bond we have created through our love.

«I can feel you».

He said to me then, the relief and hope in his voice still haunts me, threatening to crush the integrity of

my heart. How I wish I could be there with him, facing the storm that is sure to come. To be his base

and his pillar so that his strength is not broken and his will impels him to continue.

«Why can't I see you?».

The answer to that I still don't know, when I could see him perfectly. How vulnerable his little body

looked in that huge, dark forest, how sad and helpless he seemed as he embraced the tree, and how

desperate he felt when that damn force pushed him away.

I felt it all. Absolutely all of his emotions ran through my soul and tore my heart apart mercilessly.

His urge to reach out to me was so strong that I almost went insane. I just hope that, by the time I get

to him, it's not too late.

I'm so immersed in my thoughts and the idea of Xander suffering without me, that I'm surprised to

realize that Yaakov is by my side.

I came to sleep in his room because I can't stand the thought of being in mine without him. Pathetic, I

know, but I refuse to pretend everything's okay when in fact, I feel like my world is falling apart.

I'm tired of fighting my emotions all the time and pretending to be something I'm fucking not. The

comfort of having Yaakov's support at this time, who is practically my brother, is gigantic compared to

the loneliness I would have to face within four walls without Xander by my side.

—Did you dream about him again? — puts a hand on my shoulder and passes me a glass of water. I

take it as fast as I can and just nod, while slowly my breathing returns to its usual rhythm —. Do you

want me to call Lev? Maybe he knows what to do, something that will help you...

—The only thing that can help me at this point is to have the full knowledge that Xander is all right — I

replied angrily, leaving the empty glass on the table at the side of the bed —. Besides, I don't think Lev

can do anything, so... This thing that's happening to me... They're not just dreams, Yaak.

—What do you mean?— questions in confusion.

—I don't fucking know — I get out of bed, take off my sweaty shirt, staying only in my sweatpants, and

walk around the room —. It's strange, but every time it happens, it's like I can feel what he feels— I

gesture with my hands as I explain, pointing to my chest, wishing I could rip out my heart, leave it in a novelbin

container where nothing and no one can reach it. Anything, I would do anything to stop suffering this

way —. To know exactly what is going on in his head. It's as if... We're one.

—Is it possible that it's because of the bond? — he suggests with genuine interest, settling down on the

edge of the mattress.

—Maybe, but it's the closest I've ever come to know he's okay, even if I have doubts about whether it's

real or not.

—So? - I look at him and my eyebrows arch.

—So, what?

—Is he? In your dreams, I mean — he hurries to clear up, then asks in a whisper: —. Is he okay? — I

stop and close my eyes. I don't quite know how I should react to all this. The situation overwhelms me

completely and although I am willing to face anything, it is equally daunting.

—Physically yes— I finally answer, opening my eyes and focusing on him—. But emotionally, he's...

We are— I stand corrected —. Devastated.

—For now, Magnus, we'll have to deal with that — his voice is low and cautious when speaking —. I

know it's not what you expect to hear, but it's the best I can offer you right now. As long as you know

he's still alive, we'll double our efforts until we're able to find him.

I look at him and nod in response. I know he's right, but fucking hell, I wish I could do more, have some

clue or know which way to go. Uncertainty is a malevolent bitch.

—Let's go to sleep, brother— he advises —. You need to rest even a little, you haven't slept much

these days, staying awake and getting weak won't help us at all.

—All right — I accept, feeling defeated.

I go back to bed and collapse on the sheets, my eyes fixed on the ceiling. Yaakov gets up, goes to his

bed, and after a few minutes, I hear him snoring.

At least one of us will manage to sleep for the rest of the night.